My Pregnancy and Birth Story
Be warned some of this is gross and probably TMI, but I'm going to be honest.
This might be an unpopular opinion but I hated being pregnant. Whilst I loved growing my little one and both me and my partner wanted a baby very badly, being pregnant was very much like having an alien inside my body. The thought of having a tiny human growing inside me freaked me out a lot as I had no idea what they looked like or who they were, only that they liked to kick me and made me feel nauseous all the time. I also hated the fact that I couldn't do what I wanted, when I wanted. I tried to stay awake, go out, join in what I would have done before but I was so exhausted and painfully slow I resigned myself to sitting on the sofa eating potato salad and mozzarella sticks.
The first few weeks I was pregnant I didn't even realise, it was my partner who insisted on taking a test as I had been feeling nauseous in waves and just generally feeling poorly and tired. I was convinced I'd had a reaction to all the fried bread I'd eaten at Butlins the week before (I ate a lot). I'd also got implantation pains and I was convinced these were period pains, however of course no period ever came! I had been drinking for the past few weeks as well as I'd just had my birthday in Feb and then we had been to Butlins a few weeks after so I felt awful about it. I remember the day we took the test as we were going to see the Black Panther movie. It was also the same weekend as we had put an offer down on the house and booked our wedding venue. It was rather embarrassing as we'd got one of the tests which doesn't say yes or no simply lines and we honestly had no idea if it was a positive or not! We had to go buy a different one which said we were 6 weeks pregnant putting his due date at 11th October. Even though I was over the moon I was in complete shock and I didn't quite believe it was real. Until our 12 week scan I was convinced there would be no baby and the ultrasound would just show pizza.
The first few months when you haven't told anyone but your partner are the hardest. You don't want to announce just in case the worst case scenario happens but you find it impossible to explain to friends and family why you feel poorly, why your not drinking and why you cant stomach anything but crunchy nut cornflakes and canned spaghetti hoops. I had to lie about being on antibiotics just to have a valid excuse for why I wasn't drinking. Then there's the not quite fitting into your clothes but not quite big enough for people to l know your pregnant stage. I was desperate to look pregnant just so people wouldn't think I'd just been hitting the pies hard.
The first scan is very daunting, seeing your baby for the first time it becomes real and final and you think, crap! I'm having a baby. You then have so much to think about, when to announce it, whether you want to find out the sex, will the baby be okay (all the tests you have to have), plans for what you need etc. It can all be very daunting. I found making a list was so helpful as I could figure out what I needed to tackle and what was the most important.
We decided to announce our pregnancy after the 12 week scan and we were given a due date of 4th October. I still think this was out by a week and should have been 11th October but they don't like to change the date after the first scan and even a millimetre difference in the scans can make a big difference to due dates and size estimates.
Our first hurdle came when we had our first tests back. I found out I had low p-appa and it was horrible. I felt so upset and guilty, thinking it was my fault, that's I'd done something wrong (drank in the 6 weeks before I found out I was pregnant, and ate very badly). Low P-appa is a new test and to be honest there's not much research on it. Google it and all you here about it underweight babies and still births. This was obviously very scary and I was convinced something was going to be terribly wrong. Speaking to my midwife she assured me that there was limited research and it was a rather be safe than sorry scenario. Due to this I was consultant led and was booked in for extra growth scans. In the final weeks of my pregnancy I was also booked in for induction as they didn't want me to carry until the 40 weeks due to this low p-appa.
Throughout the whole pregnancy I had many extra scans as my bump was measured small by my midwife 3 times. At the scans however I was told that a generous midwife measurer had meant that my little boy looked like he wasn't growing but he was still consistent to his first few scans. My advice for anyone measured big or small to just take it with a pinch of salt. As long as baby is moving and there's good blood floe to the placenta I don't think there's too much reason to worry. My midwife said she'd rather send me for an extra scan and everything be fine than not and there be an issue down the line. To be honest I saw it as an extra opportunity to see my little boy.
Fast forward a few months and the end of my pregnancy was finally in sight. It feels like you've been pregnant forever but you're finally showing and people no longer think you're just fat. I didn't have any complications aside from the growth scans and everything went pretty normally really. Those first 4-5 months when you cant feel a lot and aren't showing much are so boring it feels like nothing is happening. At the end its nice to be able to feel your little one moving and interact with them.
I had my baby shower in August at my home and it was lovely. My friends and family were all wonderful and helped me set up, host, clean up and with the catering. My dad also ran several games which everyone enjoyed. It was a beautiful day and we spent it in the garden having a laugh, eating cake and playing games. One good thing about being pregnant is that you can eat what you want. I had a muffin for my brunch every day and I'd always get the last snack in the office. The generosity of people at my baby shower and throughout my pregnancy was overwhelming. Family and friends helped us out so much with items we needed for the baby, we really couldn't have got everything without them as everything is so expensive and we were trying to save for the house move also.
I had planned to stay at work until 38 weeks, take the rest of my holiday and then wait for my little one to come. I was so convinced he was going to be late the thought of him being early never crossed my mind. I was 37+3 when I lost my plug. I remember going to the toilet with bad period cramps and thinking oh god I need a poo! I was convinced that the Chinese I had eaten the night before had given me the trots but when I went to the loo my god there was a lot of blood. This was 3am on the Sunday morning. I was so worried about the amount of blood when I was still a few weeks off I rang hospital immediately. They told me to come in so I drove myself there and got checked out. I was getting strong period like pains every 5 minutes also. When I got there they told me it was my plug and that I'd gone into slow labour so it could take up to a week for labour to start. I was of course completely in despair. The thought of a week worth of pain every 5 minutes was enough to make me want to find a time machine and go back to January stop it all happening! I had a sweep and they said I hadn't dilated at all. I got home and about 2 hours there was more blood. I honestly didn't realised the plug keeps coming out I just assumed something was wrong so me and my partner went back to the hospital. Told the same thing again. Still not in labour and to go home. By now the contractions were stronger and I was frantically looking round all the supermarkets for a hot water bottle as mine had popped the day before. Bear in mind it was the middle of September and absolutely boiling! I was convinced my contractions would stop for a few days and even told my boss I'd probably be in work on Monday. This was not the case. Sunday night came and I could not sleep due to the pains getting stronger and more frequent. I was exhausted already and had about 10 baths. I was supposed to have got a tens machine at 38 weeks however I never made it that far so didn't have one. All Sunday night I was googling where I could get one from and what time they opened, even ringing Argos at 6am when I thought someone might be in doing a stock count. I was desperate. It got to 9am and finally Boots opened. I rang them immediately and they had one left! I remember frantically saying 'PLEASE DONT SELL IT IM COMING TO GET IT!' I got my partner to rush there and we got the last TENS machine (praise the lord). As soon as I put it on I remember feeling so much better, and the pain so much more manageable. I also downloaded an app to time the contractions and finally felt settled and like I could do this. My partner had to go to work but he asked his sister to check on me which was honestly a godsend. Whilst she was there we realised id been timing my contractions all wrong and they were coming every few minutes and not 5-6 like I thought on the app! I knew it was speeding up and I rang the hospital again at about 5pm on the Monday. I told them my contractions were coming every 2-3 minutes and that they were lasting about the same and oh my that they hurt! They said I wasn't contracting enough or strongly enough and that I could come in but I'd probably get sent back home again.
By this point I was in a lot of pain and had the TENS machine up to the highest setting. I could barely walk because of the pain and the only relief I could get was sitting on the toilet, so I'd been taking a pillow and sitting on the loo on and off all day to try and get any sleep at all. It didn't work and it was now coming up to 48 hours without any sleep. My partner came home from work about 9 and made me some dinner. I could barely eat it (think I managed about 2 mouthfuls) and the house was an absolute mess as I hadn't been able to clean or put away all the washing I'd done at the weekend. I felt so unprepared as I had been in too much pain to do a lot in labour and I'd had so many plans for the few weeks on maternity before he came. I'd planned to clean the house, batch cook, and just generally prepare myself for the labour. It was about 10 when I decided to have a final bath see if that could help. Id wanted a water birth so thought if I could get in the water it would help the pain. This was not the case. As soon as I took that machine off it was agony. I remember screaming in the bath for my partner. I was screaming for him to get the machine back on and to call his sister as she was giving us a lift to the hospital. I think for the past few hours I'd been so reliant on the TENS machine I'd just gotten used to managing the pain. when it got taken off that safety net was gone and oh my god it hurt and I couldn't get it back. I was in the car profusely apologising for it being so late as his sister works in Milton Keynes and had a long drive the next day, plus I hadn't expected to be needing a lift as had been booked in for induction just before 40 weeks. Trying to talk whilst mid yell and going oh god and breathing like darth vader was not fun. When we got to the hospital I felt like I could walk a bit so I got straight out and hobbled to the main entrance and to the labour ward. I only got halfway before I had to stop as had another contraction and couldn't move. I didnt realise but Id basically got out of the car and ran off so they couldnt find me! My partner and his sister were frantically searching and managed to find me and get me a wheelchair and wheel me to the labour ward. I don't know what the other patients must have thought as it felt like something out of a movie and I would give birth on the floor right there. I was leant against the wall and making a bit of a scene groaning and screaming.
After we got wheeled to the ward I got in a birthing room and was adamant they weren't sending me home and to give me drugs as I needed some pain relief. They measured my contractions and said I was probably about 1 cm dilated and that they would give me gas and air for the sweep but that I'd have to wait until 4cm to have it properly. I was devastated as the thought of another day or so of the pain was soul destroying. After the first sweep I was told I was either fully dilated, or not dilated at all, which of course was terrifying as it meant they weren't sure if the baby was coming now or not! After a second sweep I was 8 cm, no wonder I'd been in so much pain!! Hurrah I was allowed the gas and air. It was too late for any other pain relief so I just kept taking the gas and air. It was wonderful, really helped me through the contractions. My labour was in my back and every time I got a contraction I had an overwhelming desire to push like I needed to poo. The midwifes were telling em not too and I remember at one point I had to literally hold my bum cheeks closed with my hands so I didn't push. I also tried to get into all fours but it was so painful I could only manage to scoot on my side. At about 11.45, so an hour after I'd got to the hospital my legs were in stirrups and I was fully dilated. My other half had been giving me massages and calling my family and his family, every tine he spoke to me I shouted at him, think I was in the zone and his talking to me distracted me. I feel sorry for him now but at the time shouting 'Just do what you want' when he told me he was going to get a drink, sounded perfectly acceptable. Then came the pushing part. I remember being obsessed about pooing and I kept apologising for everything. I apologised for being loud, for not being able to get into position, that they had to be 'down there' and for pooing (even though I hadn't). With the pushing it was the part I was most unprepared for. The antenatal classes had prepared me for the other parts of the labour (and helped to ease my anxiety that I'd die or get paralysed) but no one tells you how hard pushing is. In the movies they just shout push and you just scream and the baby pops out. This is not the case. You can only push on contractions. Also screaming doesn't help. The midwives tell you to put your chin to your chest, make no noise and just push. I had no feeling of the need to push either, I just did it when they told me. I was exhausted by this point and just wanted the gas and air. As I wasn't pushing it was taken off me and then the room seemed very real. Its a bit like when your drunk and then something happens like you fall over and you sober up very quickly. There was a lot of people in the room as we found out my little boy was back to back, hence the needing too poo and the extremely painful contractions. I remember as I did the final pushes there must have been about 10 people from the hospital, all there, staring at my private parts whilst I was strapped in stirrups screaming.
Then its over. They plonk your baby in your arms and go about getting you and your baby sorted out. I was honestly so confused when they handed me Arthur. He was all covered in goo, so small and his head was long and misshapen. He looked like an alien. The first words I actually said were EURGH. Hed had to be turned to come out so his head was shaped like a cone. I was looking at my other half for support and was hoping someone would tell me what to do. It was then it hit me that I was a mother and I had to look after this baby. It was scary. I had the injection to get the placenta out as I'd lost too much blood and then I was sewn back as I'd had second degree tear. He ended up being born at 00:26 on September 18th at 37+5weeks. All my friends were at my friends wedding in Italy so it was rather surreal as they were all partying and celebrating whilst I was pushing. My family live about an hour and 15 minutes away and I had actually given birth before they got to the hospital so it all happened very quickly. My partners sister and her partner and my parents were the first people to see Arthur apart from myself and my other half.
I didn't realise just how small he would be. My outfits were all 0-3 months as Id had a scan at 37 weeks and he had been 6pound 1. He was born 6 pound 5. the clothes drowned him but luckily my mum had come with a tiny baby outfit. Id been so convinced he would be late and a big baby I was not prepared. There was also a LOT of blood. I didn't realise how much you bled after and having a shower it just didn't seem to stop. I don't know why but I only took one maternity pad. I think I assumed it would bleed then all be gone and stop. This isn't the case. Luckily the hospital has supplies.
We were then cleaned up, given some time to bond. It was beautiful watching my other half hold our son with his singing Nottingham forest football chants to him. He has made sure to wear his forest shirt to the hospital as he said he wanted it to be the first shirt his son saw him in. Then we went up to the ward. I was very lucky and got my own room. My partner went home and I managed two hours sleep before waking up just to stare at Arthur. I wanted to breastfeed so I tried to get him to latch on his own and he did well and fed. It was such a lovely moment and bond and I remember feeling overwhelming love.
So that's the story of the birth and to be honest I've been winging it ever since!
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